Sometimes the ongoing need for more that will 'make us happy' can feel relentless – more possessions, more achievements, more experiences. Indeed, the list can be endless or never ending and even an elusive endeavor. If the end game is to feel happy then maybe it can feel that the goalposts keep moving when what you thought would bring you happiness no longer does.
In terms of happiness - ultimately, what I am really thinking about is the long term happiness, an ongoing sense of contentment and wellbeing.
Perhaps, the key to true happiness may lie not in accumulating more, but in the art of "unwanting." This is a term I was introduced to whilst taking the Science of Wellbeing course offered by Yale University. It struck a cord as something worth sharing.
Unwanting is a process that challenges us to examine our desires, strip away unnecessary attachments, and embrace the profound contentment that comes from within. In this blog, I've put together my thoughts on unwanting and the ways that it can help us get closer to the elusive goal of happiness..
I think that it's fair to say that we all want to be happy. What that means to one person will obviously vary to another, but being happy (in what ever form it takes) is probably something we can all agree on. Being happy or achieving happiness is can be easier said that done. We might seek it in material possessions, career advancements, or even in the approval of others. However, the joy created from these external sources tends to be only short term, potentially leaving us yearning for more.
In today's society it seems that we have become conditioned to believe that happiness is found in the accumulation of possessions and achievements. This mindset fosters a cycle of perpetual wanting, where each acquisition gives way to the desire for something newer or grander. However, this pursuit can lead to a never-ending chase that distances us from the present moment and the true essence of contentment; feeling like we are on a 'hamster wheel' seems an accurate anology here. Working hard to achieve happiness but not seemingly get there...
Unwanting is not about renouncing desires altogether, but rather about cultivating discernment and prioritizing what truly matters. It involves shedding attachments that don't align with our core values and focusing on the experiences, relationships, and pursuits that genuinely contribute to our well-being. As a yoga teacher, we sometimes talk about non-attachment. In my mind unwanting is slightly different in that we are deliberating choosing what we do or do not want very consciously.
1. Self-Reflection
The process of unwanting begins with introspection. Take time to reflect on your desires and their origins. Are they driven by societal pressures, comparison, or a genuine alignment with your aspirations?
2. Detachment
Embrace the art of detachment – the ability to let go of attachments that no longer serve your growth or happiness. This might involve decluttering physical spaces, releasing emotional baggage, or reframing your relationship with material possessions.
3. Cultivating Presence
Unwanting encourages us to be present in the here and now. When we're fully engaged in the present moment, we're less consumed by thoughts of what we lack or desire. This particularly ties in nicely with the 5 Pillars of Wellbeing - Being Mindful or present.
4. Gratitude
Practicing gratitude shifts our focus from what's missing to what's abundant in our lives. Regularly acknowledging the blessings we have fosters a sense of contentment that can counteract the relentless pursuit of more. One of the ways we can do this is by regularly Journaling and it's associated benefits of journaling.
5. Embracing Simplicity
Simplifying your life can be a profound step in the process of unwanting. Embrace the beauty of minimalism and prioritize experiences over possessions. I appreciate that this can easier said than done!
6. Prioritizing Relationships
Genuine connections and meaningful relationships are among life's most valuable treasures. Invest your time and energy in nurturing these bonds instead of chasing after material gains. Being part of a community- by connecting with others is another of the 5 Pillars of Wellbeing.
7. Seeking Fulfillment
Redirect your pursuits toward activities that bring you joy, fulfillment, and a sense of purpose. Engage in hobbies, creative pursuits, or acts of service that resonate with your passions. Volunteering, by giving your time, maybe an area you are able to share you knowledge or skill that generates a sense of fulfilment.
The process of unwanting is not always easy, but it can have an impact. Perhaps just being aware of unwanting can help change mindsets.
It maybe that as a new concept, unwanting offers a counterintuitive or potentially different path to happiness. It invites us to shift our gaze from external possessions to internal contentment, from chasing after the next desire to finding fulfillment in the present moment. The process of unwanting is a potential journey that you may or may not feel ready to start now or at somepoint in the future. If nothing else, I hope it's a concept that may have at least peaked your interest.
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